Humor, A Chuckle, Giggle, or Something Funny?

You can discuss some non-genetic or non-genealogical things here. Pull up a chair and have a beer! But if you bring up politics or religion, the barman will cut you off. The forum rules do apply here especially regarding civility.
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R1b-L48-BY32442
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 12:53 am
Bruno the Scorpion: . . . And then I terminated it . . . It's no more.
Lawyer: Haa Haa Haa Haa Haa . . . (backslap) . . . Now that is funny :) :)
Regina: Huh?
Lawyer: (whisper, whisper, whisper)
Regina: Haa Haa Haa Haa Haa . . .
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Location: Sault Ste Marie, Northern Ontario, Canada
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 2:13 am
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black beltin karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
Furthest Y line=Patrick Whealen 1816-1874, Tipperary Co. Ire. to Kincardine On

Y-DNA-RL21, R-513* (still looking for the 'lost Irish 'C' boys')

FTDNA=P312+ P25+ M343+ M269+ M207+ M173+ L513+ U198- U152- U106- SRY2627- P66- P107- M73- M65- M37- M222- M18- M160- M153- M126- L705- L577- L193- L159.2- L1333-
23&me=L21+
E.A.= S21-, S26-, S28-, S29-, S68-

Co Administrator of the Whalen/Phelan DNA Surname Project
http://www.worldfamilies.net/surnames/whalen
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Posts: 232
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YDNA:
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 2:52 pm
It was a cold spring day. I, the stealthy Platarat, investigate the unusual things which seem to have happened to the sacred Wheel Log. The evil Snowflakes found a small piece of the scared log, and they tested on our beloved savior, Shiny Cloud. Their massinator caused the coronal cells to form. These cells were consistently found in regions dominated by magnetic field lines that point in a single direction (either up or down). Coronal cells are found in areas between coronal holes and so-called filament channels that separate sections of upward-pointing magnetic fields and their downward-pointing counterparts. They found that the magnetic field bundles lay centered inside the cells. The Snowflakes must be stopped. They must not find the rest of the Wheel Log, and their massinator must be taken or destroyed.

Shakina Cloud: Ah, I feel stronger!

< . . .but production problems can be part of the show>

iMiley: . . . what did they do? Where is the forum? What is so funny about today? Where are the sponsors?
Lawyer: Ha ha ha . . .

iMiley: How dare you tell a joke a Thursday . . .
Lawyer: You just stop me . . .

iMiley: . . . Why that is the most evil joke of all.

Bruno the Scorpion: . . . and we have our own sponsor . . . Vernichtungslagerudwieser, The King of Booze.

Well, this is certainly a turn of events, but I doubt if jokes will ever “out do” the news . . . and backstage scandal will never add much to the story. Still, this is humor?
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Location: Sault Ste Marie, Northern Ontario, Canada
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 7:32 pm
Some Lawyer jokes....

1. Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!

2. Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

3. Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

4. Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

5. Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

6. Q. What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
A. A Lobotomy.

7. Q. How do you save five drowning lawyers?
A. Who cares?

8. Q. What do you call a block of cement containing ten lawyers?
A. A waste of cement.

9. Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A1: Shoot him before he hits the water.
A2: Take your foot off his head.
A3: No? Good!

10. Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

11. Q: What do you do if you run over a Lawyer?
A1: Back over him to make sure.
A2: Make another notch on the steering wheel.

12. Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of s***?
A: The bucket.

13. Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a bus load of lawyers goes off a cliff.

14. Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.

15. Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.

16. Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.

17. Q. Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A. From chasing parked ambulances.

18. Q. Where can you find a good lawyer?
A. In the cemetery.

19. Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A. A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

20. Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Furthest Y line=Patrick Whealen 1816-1874, Tipperary Co. Ire. to Kincardine On

Y-DNA-RL21, R-513* (still looking for the 'lost Irish 'C' boys')

FTDNA=P312+ P25+ M343+ M269+ M207+ M173+ L513+ U198- U152- U106- SRY2627- P66- P107- M73- M65- M37- M222- M18- M160- M153- M126- L705- L577- L193- L159.2- L1333-
23&me=L21+
E.A.= S21-, S26-, S28-, S29-, S68-

Co Administrator of the Whalen/Phelan DNA Surname Project
http://www.worldfamilies.net/surnames/whalen
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Posts: 232
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2012 12:23 am

YDNA:
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L1c1d(C8657T,16224C)
PostPosted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 2:27 pm
The pie was cooking. It had a nice smell. Reruns were very funny too . . .

iMiley: How dare you tell a joke a Thursday . . . and give away the punchline
Lawyer: You just stop me . . . , and it was not me . . . it was your stupid mouse.
iMiley: Grrrrrrr . . . .
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PostPosted: Fri May 04, 2012 1:40 am
Act 3, Scene 8: The Enhanced Glance (Presenting the Marvelous Goatheads!)

Heat flows spontaneously from a hot to a cold body . . .
Shakina Cloud: Ah, I feel stronger!

Today’s episode was brought to you by delicious Delmonico Steaks, and don’t forget once you finish the meat, the bone is just as good. Gobble it up, and gnaw on it all night long. You’ll never be sorry unless you pick up something else. Yes, delicious Delmonico Steaks a favorite of Kepler and Copernicus. The dinner you want to eat. And don’t forget the Smoke-a-Cola.

And for those who like a light refreshing smooth tasting drink . . .

Do Not Forget That‘s VD Dew presents “Where, Oh Where Are You in Space” on every Sunday this season!

The smart mouse finds something good to steal. "Obliquity is a major factor in glacial/interglacial fluctuations. The rock's axial tilt varies between 22.1° and 24.5°, with a 42 ky period, and at present, the tilt is decreasing. Nevertheless, extrapolation of the average polynomials gives a fit to a sine curve with a period of 41.013 ky. Whatever, in addition to this steady decrease there are much smaller short term variations of 18.6 years, known as nutation, mainly due to the changing plane of the toon's orbit. This can shift the rock's axial tilt by plus or minus 0.005 degrees which do not include earthquakes. More elaborate calculations on the numerical model of Shiny Cloud system show that the precessional constants have a period of about 41 ky, the same as the obliquity of the ecliptic. So at present, rock's precession constants are increasing. Over the last 5 million years, the obliquity of the ecliptic (or more accurately, the obliquity of the Equator on the moving ecliptic of date) has varied from 22.0425° to 24.5044°, but for the next one million years, the range will be only from 22.2289° to 24.3472°." That was really interesting. It really read like I made it up. However, someone may know that 2+3=5 is the equation Descartes chooses to theorize about as being an objective truth that he is possibly being fooled into believing is true in his "Meditations on First Philosophy." Light is truth, and heat is love. The angle between the rays of a symmetrical-pointed star is 72 degrees. Also, the angle between legs of a pentagon is 108 degrees (the complementary angle of 108 is 72 (108+72=180)). (2^3)*(3^2)=2*3*2*3*2=72.. This is the secret of five. Now, the secret of the star uses five since (2^6)(3^4)5 = (72^2)5 = 72(72*5) = 72*360 = 25,920, and 1*5+2*6+3*5+4*10=72. This tells us the Tetractys symbolized the four fundamental roots of earth, air, fire, and water. The first four numbers also symbolized the harmony of the spheres and the Cosmos, and the four rows added up to ten, which was unity of a higher order (in decimal). Therefore, the Tetractys represented the organization of space that the Shiny Cloud is in. The point is made into a line from two points, and then into a triangular plane with three points, and then into a tetrahedron made up of four points. The dodecahedron has 12 isosceles triangles made up of twenty points, tetrahedron with 4 points, octahedron with 6 points, cube with 8 points, icosahedron with 12 points, and the dodecahedron with 20 points, perfect for the massinator!

DumDur: We’ll be back in a few cycles.
Einstein: See ya’ll.

EtaL: We gotta do something again.
Xetcera: Yes, it is getting cold outside.
Arthur: Whatever?

DBBone: Remember, you light up our lives, bye.

Lancelot: Let’s eat more of those Delmonico steaks.
Selde: Those are not just steaks.

Rex: There’re Vitamultin Delicious Delmonico steaks.
Sweetie Pie: Made with the best peppy ingredients in the universe.

Not a King Gregor: They are more than extra ordinary.
Detective Swamp Wolf: All I can say is yummy, yum yum.
Foxy Marie: This scrumptious dinner is soooo much better.

You can’t travel without something to hold your time piece, and you can’t have a good time without something to hold your peace. So pick up a six pack of Smoke-a-Cola today.

Did we just have déjà vu? What will be next?

Smoke-a-Cola singers: Smoke-a-Cola, -a-cola, Smoke-a-Cola, -a-cola, fresh and tasty family drink . . . will not get flushed down the sink . . . Smoke-a-Cola, -a-cola, Smoke-a-Cola, -a-cola, never overly sweety sweet, makes your stomach always feeling neat, Smoke-a-Cola. (500 millisecond pause)

Heat flows spontaneously from a hot to a cold body . . .
Shakina Cloud: Ah, I feel stronger!

iMiley: The season and the show is over in May, nothing can stop it now.
Bruno the Scorpion: So that’s funny . . . ?
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PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2012 12:50 am
Due to the fact that there are over 700,000 autosomal SNPs (aDNA) understudy at this moment (and increasing), your aHaplogroup will be delayed in its assignment. Sorry for the long wait, but you can look at the seemingly endless list of rs-numbers and compare them with other people who do not know what they mean either.
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PostPosted: Wed May 09, 2012 3:07 am
iMiley: 220 bucks to make a stupid movie about the Goatheads fighting the Snowflakes? How do you spell Hallelu-Yah? Kids . . . It's not going to happen! I rather see the Three Stooges in "Woman Haters" first.

Bruno the Scorpion: Yeah, and we are going to call it "The Marvelous Goatheads!"

iMiley: The season and the show is over in May, nothing can stop it now. No pie fight, no saving the solar system . . . Here comes the Judge!

Laywer: You think that is going to stop us?
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PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2012 1:32 am
Yes, it is Smoke-a-Cola. Don't miss the last ever episodes of "Where, Oh Where Are You in Space?" The perfect drink for a pick me up at work, Smoke-a-Cola.

The massinator with its small broken piece of the wheel log worked, but not to its maximum potential. The Shiny Cloud's equilibrium became perturbed, and a gamma-ray burst blasted out towards the oracle. Inside the oracle everyone was protected, but at that moment one of the Goatheads decided to leave the table. As the gamma-rays radiated upon the planet a metamorphosis happened changing indeed his chemical make-up. Now when he is stressed out, he transforms into a terrifically strong beast. Besides Arthur and Einstein, each one of the Goatheads left for some reason or the other as the Shiny Cloud emitted a different form of cosmic radiation until it finally regained equilibrium when the small piece of the Wheel Log extinguished itself. However, each one of the Goatheads had gained a new special power!

iMiley: See, see what I mean!
Harvey Sheph: Yea, I hate it . . . this show is show is over next week.

Judge: This will never sell; a big waste of 220 big ones. I'm writing an order for the final episode to happen next week.
Harvey Sheph: Why consult them? These final episodes stink. Let's just announce it!

All: Alright!

Yes, it is Smoke-a-Cola. It’s the drink of real chickens like Panthera the Chicken. It has a great kick. The perfect drink for a pick me up at work, Smoke-a-Cola.
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PostPosted: Sun May 20, 2012 5:25 pm
Epilog: It is Finally Over!

Brought to you by Dazzledent . . . put a smile on your date :)

Setting traps, fishing, and hunting with Miss Mars . . . but what about prime rib of celery, silly spinach, and voluptuous string beans. The equilibrium of the Shiny Cloud’s atmosphere stayed perturbed, thus misbalancing the Electron Degeneracy distribution, thus leading to Hadron degeneracy. The only thing that could happen would be the creation of a quark cloud since the Shiny Cloud was 2.5 times the mass of our sun. It quickly would expand larger than a neutron cloud weighing twice the mass of our sun. As the mass from the system begins to increase the mass of the Shiny Cloud, the Lepton degeneracy perturbation would create an Electroweak cloud, and as the mass increased a Super-duper degeneracy would develop. There were only moments left.

Particles can transform from one type to another type due to how energy is transferred. Larger particles release energy (associated with potential energy) while smaller particles absorb energy (associated with kinetic energy). High kinetic energies often keep gas particles apart, but in space, the vast numbers of particles are linked by gravitational interactions. On earth, we experience a range of temperatures and pressures so that smaller, or better, less dense leptons and hadrons exist, i.e. electrons, neutrinos, up quarks, and down quarks. However, the up and down quarks form denser particles called protons and neutrons in our world, and atoms form - made up of electrons moving around a dense collection of protons and neutrons called a nucleus. No two electrons in an atom can be the same, so we have different atoms with different numbers of electrons. An atom also has to have a charge balance. So, the number of protons is the same as the number of electrons in an atom. In space, the atomic structure is broken up at very high temperatures forming ionic gases called plasma. Still, no two electrons can be the same. When an old and dying star without the fuel needed to function normally has a mass less than 1.44 that of our sun, the energy from the gravitational collapse is not sufficient to produce neutrons. So the collapse is halted by the electron degeneracy. A white dwarf is formed if the mass was sufficient. If the mass was above 1.44 to about two solar masses, enough energy is available from the gravitational collapse to force the combination of electrons and protons to form neutrons. This will occur until the neutron degeneracy prevents denser particle formation. Quark degeneracy is thought to happen around 2.5 solar masses. However, there has to be more sub-atomic particles to study. Even though any mass object can become a black hole if it collapses down to the event horizon or Schwarzschild radius, 2MG/c^2, undiscovered sub-atomic particles must exist since a plasma with no fusion process to keep it from collapsing having a mass over an estimated critical value of 3 to some high solar mass values will collapse to a black hole due to gravitational forces alone with light often orbiting in its photon sphere. The photon sphere of a black hole is the radius of the orbit of light around the black hole or 3MG/c^2.

Xetcera: It’s getting hotter and hotter.
DumDur: We must go to the altar.

EtaL: We did not give our offering.
DBBone: We will give our thanks in hope to be saved.

Arthur: Goatheads, we must make it to the Thunderbird.
Guenevere: I will use my power of providing an invisible force field around us to protect us from the heat.

Einstein: We are going to need more power to set up a Z-field.
Lancelot: Oh Selde, wow . . . My X-ray eyes detects some type of powerful thing in the PBS.

Rex: There they are. . . . My powers of tracking are enhanced . . .
Kepler: Hop in . . . I’ll find out about my powers later . . . I’m sure I have one.

Copernicus: . . . it’s just most of the Wheel Log.
Einstein: . . . Put it in the fuel bin.

Kepler: . . . Z-field is going off scale . . . ships coupled.
Rex: . . . the Shiny Cloud’s Electron Degeneracy is about to fail.

Einstein: Now, we gotta go . . . full-power!

PBS-Thunderbird Couple: Whirl . . . Whirl . . . Whirl . . . Zoom . . .
_______________________________________________________________________________________
Wisp the Majic Dragon: We are picking up Z-field particles emissions from the center of the universe.
Doc: . . . I got it . . . the galactic black hole was about to collapse or better disappear . . .

Merlin: I am afraid they are experiencing the secrets of one plus one . . . they have just passed from the Gates to the Center of the Universe and into the brightest part of the sky. The entire filaments of the universe are shaking.
Doc: . . . . something almost changed space-time itself!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PBS-Thunderbird Couple: Whirl . . . Whirl . . . Whirl . . . Zoom . . .

Arthur: . . . I have a feeling . . . no longer are we the Goatheads . . . We are now the Marvelous Goatheads!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yatita, Yatita, Yatita . . . . . everybody is talking about it . . . Dazzledent
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
iMiley: See, see what I mean!
Harvey Sheph: Yea, I hate it . . . this is OVER.
Judge: Here is the order to stop production.

Lawyer: You can’t do this!
Judge: Oh, yes we can

Lawyer: Take this . . .
iMiley, Harvey Sheph, Judge: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Panthera the Chicken: Lawyer-gram for Mr. Lawyer . . .
Lawyer: I’ll take it . . .

Lawyer-gram:<boom>
Lawyer: Arg . . .

iMiley: Quick, chain him up, and deliver the order.

Big Joel: Ok, I think they were in the saloon with Lawyer and Bruno the Scorpion, then you follow, ok?
Larri, Shemp: Ok

<Stomp Stomp Stomp>

Thorton’s hunchmen: Go away; we do not want any . . .
Big Joel: Shut up or we will bust those gates back to Erebus.

Ratosaurus: Growl gulp!
<Bash bash bash, poke poke poke, splat splat splat>

Larri: Go, man, go!!!

Shemp: <bust through> iMiley, I have something to give to you.
iMiley: Go away nerd, or my Ratosaurus will have an early dinner . . .

Lawyer: Kick her, Kick her in the . . . as hard as you can . . .
iMiley: What, are you some type of weirdo, kicking a girl down there?

Bruno the Scorpion: Well, what if I pulled those blonde hairs out of your head!
Professor Thorton: <Her wig comes off> WhAAAAHHHHouwwie Owwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All: Gasps!!!
Lawyer: You have short curly black hair!!!

Judge: As I said before . . . . Here is the order to stop production.

Yes, it is Smoke-a-Cola. "Where, Oh Where Are You in Space?" is canceled forever and ever. But do not forget the perfect drink for a pick me up at work, Smoke-a-Cola.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, some time later . . .

Mucy: Vernichtungslagerudwieser, yum . . . you said you only need 220 big ones, and I can be in the show?
Bruno the Scorpion: . . . that’s right, Vud.
Lawyer: Mahahahahahaha! When you say Vud, you’ve said it all, Vernichtungslagerudwieser.
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